i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize