He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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