Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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