did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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