so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
