Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
