Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
