some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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