Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
