I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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