as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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