enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
