Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
