It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
