woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
