WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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