I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize