I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
