Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
