I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
