he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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