You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's always time for handjobs
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i think i just lost a toe
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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