i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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