I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
