It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
