More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you have feelings for this penis?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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