my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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