it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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