I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize