this beer tastes like vomit already
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
