why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it because I queefed?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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