Say something about gay babies.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize