so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
