my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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