Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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