Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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