my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
