I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
