no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
