tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
