im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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