Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
