and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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