i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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