Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
