Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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