just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
