this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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