it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You don't make any sense
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