This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
