Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
