I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize