Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
