haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
