So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
