I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
