My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
