so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
