next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
