Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
