I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
