when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
