Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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