You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
barbara walters just said penis...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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