Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
