I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
