My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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