Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize