Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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