haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
