I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
