I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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