So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
