Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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